Would you like to free yourself from the linguistic boundaries you use? was originally published July 12, 2019, and it is now available in video format too!
You can watch the videos in the Vlog section, or directly in my Youtube Channel https://youtu.be/ctMCCah_kDc
Here you have number three blog about using your language to play Sherlock Holmes. Check the first two in It sure looks like Holmes and Would you like to gain more specificity and clarify meaning?
If you have read my blogs “It sure looks like Holmes” and “Would you like to gain more specificity and clarify meaning?” you already know a fair bit about how we delete, distort and generalize information. Also that when we communicate and that playing Sherlock Holmes and recover some of that information may sometimes be useful if we want to open the door to change and free ourselves from the boundaries we create for ourselves with our own language or even free yourself from the boundaries someone else’s language creates for you. Remember that just because you know how to recover information it doesn’t mean that you have to do it all the time just when it has a specific intention. These techniques were not intended for you to be overzealous and just recollect information without any purpose.
That being said, when we generalize or some else generalizes we do create limitations, for example with the use of: all, never, everyone, no-one, siempre etc. and when limitations are set up for us like that it can be interesting to see what happens when you find counterexamples. For instance, the other day I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and she said “oh you never really listen” I then asked “never?” and she said “oh yes you do sometimes but it just really annoys me when you don’t”. I just let it end there because I had already challenged the statement that “I never listen”.
There are many more examples of this type of statement like “no one likes me” where you could ask “no one?” “Is there not one person that likes you?” You will very often find that people will get a little sparkle in the eyes when they begin to think about the people who actually do like them. Or a statement I got from another friend the other day as he walked by the flower shop and saw me in there: “oh hi, you are always buying flowers” and I was in the mood to tease him a little so I answered “really? You have never seen me do anything else?” Would be a bit boring wouldn’t it? if I was ALWAYS buying flowers, when would I ever do anything else?
Other examples of creating limitations for ourselves with generalization is when we should/shouldn’t or must/ must not or have to or need to. To all of that I just like to ask, “what would happen if you did? Or what would happen if you didn’t? Or if someone says “I can’t do this” you can ask him or her, “What stops you? This way we keep the door open for choice, by recovering the courses or the effects and the outcome.
So yes the Meta model can be a bit of a mouth full and that is why I have scattered it in four of my blogs, next week will be the last one on the subject. In the end a big part of this is learning how to listen so we can learn how to ask the appropriate questions.
Again I hope you have found this useful and that you will be as happy as you would like to be. Remember that being kind is for free.
Best wishes
Ivalo