Anger and resentment often come from pain and returns as pain.
There is a Buddhist description of anger that goes more or less like this:
Anger is the hot burning coal you pick up to throw to hurt someone else, while it burns a big hole in your hands.
The Other day there was a quote on Facebook that said something like: “You live most of your life in your head, make sure it is a nice place” It resonated with me and what I do for a living so it stayed with me, I didn’t save it and unfortunately I can’t find it again so I cannot give the proper references, which I always aim to do.
However, these days I’m reading and working on a research paper on resilience, to finish my course in Coaching the Brain, neuroscience applied to Coaching with Joseph O’Connor. For that I’m reading Dr Richard Davidson who talks about something called innate basic goodness, it is a kindness we are born with and that has been measured in small infants by recording what they are attracted to. And as it turns out, according to Dr Richard Davidson’s research innate basic goodness is one of the four pillars that are essential to our well being, the other three are Resilience, Generosity and Attention (the inverse of mind wondering) but more about those later. The important thing is that they are all plastic and can all be learned and practiced.
We can fill our minds and our hearts with Kindness and compassion or innate basic goodness if you like and we can do it and practice it so it can conquer the anger and the resentment. One technique I use is one I learned from listening to Louise Hay’s morning meditation on youtube. If, when I wake up in the morning anger and resentment are knocking on my door I send out love to the people I know and love, and especially to the ones that are annoying me at the time and who I have allowed to trigger the anger and the resentment in me. Funny enough it is the love I send to the later that is the most effective to close the door on anger and resentment. As I do this I can feel my heartbeat slows down and my breathing becomes deeper and calmer and then I get up, ready for a new day, a new beginning with new opportunities to enjoy life with the people I love. You see I don’t do this because I condone the actions that I allowed to trigger the anger or the resentment in me, I do it because anger and resentment are like poison to my own body and with the feeling of innate goodness and love I’m creating a wonderful place in my mind to live. I cannot control other people’s action but I can learn how to respond to them, in a way that is healthy for myself and that expands my wellness. So send love to the people in your life right now, as you read this, especially to the ones that you have allowed to install anger and resentment in your heart.
I hope you are as happy as you want to be and remember being kind is for free.
Best wishes
Ivalo