A month has gone by since my last new blog. In the meantime, I have been re-posting former blogs, as they are still useful, even if you have read them before.
I have just finished the last session in the last module of Neuroscience applied to coaching with Joseph O´Connor. As it usually happens, I have a feeling that it is nice to complete something and at the same time also a bit sad as I enjoyed it very much.
This module has been about our beliefs and expectations and how our brain reacts to the mental models that we have built.
To me it has been interesting to think about my own beliefs and expectations and how it affects my well-being when they are being met and when they are not.
Our beliefs and expectations are linked to our dreams, illusions and imagination.
We use them to create our map of the world.
Life brings some unnegotiable challenges at time, whether we created them ourselves or they are out of our hands.
And some time, life gives us wonderful surprises beyond our imagination and expectation.
At other times our experience is perfectly aligned with our mental model of the world, our beliefs and expectations.
In return our brain reacts with endorphin levels going down, up, or staying the same. And it is all according to what we had imagined would have happened and whether they were met or not.
I´m just in the middle of a very busy period in my life, not to say a bit chaotic.
For a while I have been co-creating a new business with my friend Maria Velasco. I have wanted another dog for a while as well and ever since I bought my house 15 years ago, it has been my dream to redo the kitchen.
Somehow, it has all come together at the same time. I´m expecting the first shipment for the new business any time now. I was lucky enough to be offered to adopt the most adorable puppy and the kitchen has been torn down and the dust is beginning to settle.
All wonderful things and even though they are three wonderful things in my life at the same time, I was overwhelmed. I was not sleeping during the first nights while the puppy settled in, and not resting during the day because my house was a building site and nervous and excited about my new business adventure.
When I became aware that all these dreams were coming true at once, I said to myself, “If anyone can manage this, you can”, a belief that I created myself in my map of the world.
The kitchen, the utility room and dining room were torn down and what I hadn’t expected was that I felt a bit sad when I saw the place where I had cooked and eaten breakfast, lunch and dinners for many years, being demolished, I felt a bit sad and so did my daughter.
Then came the noise and the dust, not to mention the chaos of not knowing where everything is and not being able to cook.
Our beautiful puppy Simba arrived, and he really is very adorable, and we love him to bits. Somehow, I had forgotten about the hard work of the first week when you get a new puppy and I was so tired I felt I was transparent.
Our shipment of our first stock has taken longer that we expected, the production took longer than expected and we are losing valuable time for Christmas and the marketing we will set in place for that.
So, I must admit, even though they are all dreams and illusions I have imagined for a very long time, they were suddenly not as ideal as I had created them to be in my mental model of the world. And I began to feel stressed and anxious. Had I spread myself too thin? Had I bitten more that I could chew?
And then I applied what I was just learning in my course, I adjusted my expectations and beliefs. It was okay for me not to be superwoman; it was normal that I felt a bit overwhelmed and actually everything was going rather well.
The kitchen is ahead of schedule, our puppy Simba has adjusted quicker and better that I could have imagined and I´m sure that our shipment will arrive at the perfect moment.
This way I was no longer in stress mode with all the stress chemistry that I was producing in my brain. I became calmer and happier, so endorphins must have been released in my brain. My heart rate has gone back to its normal and I sleep better.
All examples of how important it is to align your expectations, with yourself and also with your loved ones and the people you work with. Believe me it can save you some conflicts, with yourself and with others.
I hope you are as happy as you would like to be and remember it is free to be kind.
Ivalo
This post was originally published on Nov 6 2020